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As we have seen, desiring and liking are two distinct concepts, and can often be at odds.Building a friendship can sometimes fizzle passion, while sparking desire can sometimes lead to resentment.What Works The answer for Chris and Pat is a balance.Suppose Chris addressed Pat's wants and needs in a reasonable manner.The researchers then measured how much participants liked and desired to obtain the various prizes or rewards.The results of both experiments supported a distinction between liking and desiring—as well as the possibility of the processes working in opposition.
The key is balance—intermittent rewards and a bit of tension. Consider three scnarios for the partners Chris and Pat: Every time Pat even hints at a want or need, Chris is quick to fill it.
However, Pat would also have to work for that satisfaction and sometimes wait, keeping some tension and desire as well.
This is the balanced relationship—both liking and wanting.
In fact, Chris often fills those needs before Pat truly builds up a strong desire for them, just to be nice and thoughtful—without any concern for getting something in return.
Over time, Pat will come to like Chris a lot—as a companion and friend.
Perhaps Chris might even flirt and tease with Pat a bit, putting Pat off for a minute, then offering a surprise.